Of Childhood and Transformed Beliefs.

“First of all, I think I am really really glad that I got to be raised by my folks because they are very… uuhmm open minded. They are not as conservative as most other people… Well, to the extent that their age allows they are also quite limiting but kulikuwa na kafreedom poa sana [there was really good freedom] when I was growing up. But, maybe if I was to pick one thing, I’d say that my dad sort of implied at some point that there was some sort of stratification when it comes to the roles of a man and a woman – that I quite didn’t agree with. Coz in my opinion I feel like there are things that I can do, or rather, I should do by virtue of me being able to do them so as to sort of show my support and … you know. Like my mom can’t be ill na apike [and she is expected to cook]. So those kind of small things are the ones I can say were disturbing. Other than that I think everything else… okay not everything… but that was probably one of the stand out ones. Most of the other things were quite okay. I enjoyed my upbringing.”

Relationships man! I think for relationships, it’s not… I used to have this feeling that things can go picture perfect. You know. For as long as you are nice, you’re good, you do things for the other person and the other person automatically reciprocates the same show of kindness and love and all that. But in actual sense, from experience and also from stories from other people, I came to realize that people are users. People take advantage of that. Once people realize how comfortable you are where you are… Like people get comfortable by virtue of where you run to them and how much affection, how much… not even affection… How much security you give them by virtue of you showing that there is no chance of you giving up on them no matter how toxic, how annoying… no matter how bad they are. They take advantage of that. They ride on that because they also want to feel that level of control so you get easily manipulated. I used to believe before that once you show someone your kind and loving side they are going to reciprocate and just love you for that but there are so many dynamics to it right now that I see that make me question the kind of person I want to be for someone. Well, I don’t want to change for someone else. I don’t want to change who I am because I like things that I do. I like how open I am with my feelings and emotions and all that but I’ll be very tactful next time and not open up too much. Not to show too much… many of my scars. Not to speak too boldly about my insecurities because then if the person does not appreciate them for what they are then you just end up looking like a weak [very brief pause] son of a bitch [light chuckle] when in actual sense you are trying to connect to that person na huyo mtu akupende vile ako [so that the person loves you just as they are].

Icebreaker-with-you is a segment of sharedcosmos that opens us up to sharing and listening.
1. Reach out to me.
2. Pick two cards.
3. Share your response anonymously.

To participate, Whatsapp me at +254 707 13 6869 or reach out to me @facilitatormisiati on Instagram or @misiatiemmanuel on twitter.

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